I agree with the suggestion to shop around for a therapist because I just chose one after doing one google search because she was seemingly an Asian American woman and a Christian. I was looking for someone who would be able to understand how these intersectional identities had created patterns and trauma in my life. Instead, this therapist further triggered them and perpetuated them. My only other experience with therapy was during my last couple weeks of college when I wasn't able to fake "being ok" to myself or others anymore. I didn't feel like I could be picky with this one because I was desperate, and it was free. I wish I had been confident to interview both my therapists because it would have saved a lot of perpetuated lies.
Furthermore, it was so refreshing and affirming to know that I should be wary of the first diagnosis. I've found that research of AAPI mental health is slowly growing, and there's significantly less resources on the East Coast. It's been so difficult for me to accept depression because I rarely fit into the DSM V's symptoms of depression, which has caused an internal invalidating cycle. Sometimes it's not that I don't fit into the symptoms, but I was never taught to label my feelings and thoughts as hopeless, sadness, and loss of concentration. I was always pushing the symptoms away myself in order to keep "pushing through." Here's an article that has shed light on Asian American mental health for me. I will probably do a post about this specific post later.
The first section of the article has been most relevant to my life now as I'm no longer a student. I used to be able to use school work as a goal to focus on so that I wouldn't have to face my own suffering and triggers. Instead, I would keep repressing my problems, conveniently forgetting. Now, it's all I face at every turn, and I have to deal with it. I hate it, but the author is right, I'm finding peace through this. I want inner healing and want break out from these intergenerational destructive patterns to find hope.